Peace [Aurora]
Aug 7, 2016 18:03:15 GMT -7
Post by Aurora Disicio on Aug 7, 2016 18:03:15 GMT -7
Aurora looked at Limen through the side of her eyes. The way Limen was looking at her was not lost on her, and continued to make her anger bubble further. She was just lucky that Aurora was too tired and hungry to fully act on it right now, so she simply continued glaring from the rock she was on.
"Anyone could do it at this point. Mosh Man, or any of the previous Pandaemonium 'leadership', hasn't exactly set a high bar. People are stronger than they think too, so if someone else tried they would learn," Aurora sighed. "But I suppose that's beside the point. I'm still not sure how to feel about any of this."
The anger hadn't subsided, but there was little sign of it in her voice beyond the distaste she had for the whole situation. It was becoming increasingly difficult to express it because of her fatigue. Now that she wasn't in the thick of things, constantly distracted and looking for new things to do, the fatigue was starting to catch up to her. She blinked slowly a few times as she continued to steady herself so she wouldn't sway while sitting. She couldn't stay out here too much longer. There was too much to do and she couldn't afford to stop yet. Once again, she was regretting coming out here in the first place.
"Then your attempts to help are completely useless because you didn't hit a single note I care about. Right now, there are so many things wrong with the world, so from a strictly pragmatic view this is an excellent opportunity. But thinking from a strictly pragmatic view is a terrible idea because that's how people think it's okay to do the very things that make the world so wrong in the first place. I would be taking advantage of peoples' respect for me, and their own personal weakness and lack of direction, in order not to just push my own agenda, but to get them to actively participate in doing so as well. I doubt most of them even know what I'm trying to do. It's idol worship and nothing else. If I had known this was going to happen I would have picked different tactics to get here.
"The closest thing to something actually relevant you said was having to care about other peoples' opinions. I obviously don't care about pissing people off, I do it quite often. I've never cared about peoples' opinions of me, and I have long accepted that in trying to improve the world and trying to improve people, they will all hate me. I have little doubt that once the people in Pandaemonium learn more about me that they will turn on me. But I've always been okay with this because peoples' opinions never changed what was right. Now suddenly I'm going to have to deal with people who have no idea what they're doing, and I'm going to have to care. I'm going to have to carefully explain everything and justify my own actions constantly. But most importantly, they're going to want me to do things I wouldn't normally do. They're going to want me to compromise who I am, and to an extent I'm going to have to sit there and take it. There will be that constant pressure, as well as the reminder of what I had to do to get this making me afraid to lose it.
"I've never considered killing off the table, just a bad option where there are normally better ones. I normally even avoid injuring people if it can be helped. I've never spoken to Mosh Man before, never tried to fix that was wrong, and my first push would be outright killing him. It makes me sick to my stomach. Don't you get it yet? I'm not worried about being inconvenienced or even killed, I'm worried about doing something that will make me lose myself. What's the point of doing anything if I just replace what I'm trying to tear down and fix?
"But at the same time, I can't just ignore what's happening. I'm probably not going to live a long life, so I need to move. I've been taking things too slow already to avoid causing any more damage than I need to, but now everything's stagnated and I'm no closer to accomplishing my goals than I was a month ago. I still don't know what my final vision is, supers still have nowhere to go, they're still hiding, the city's a mess and only getting worse, and I'm just sitting here fretting about stupid little things like this? It's absurd. This needs to happen, supers need a place to be able to go, or they'll be stuck denying who they are for their entire lives.
"Which means that whether I like it or not, and whether those people are even aware of it or not, there are people counting on me. It's even more obvious now, even if they have no idea what I'm doing. I can't just ignore that I have a degree of responsibility for these people, especially the ones that are trying to help me, or even worse, trying to be me. I've already started giving them a place where they can at least start to be.
"But no matter how much I think about everything, the nature of Pandaemonium just makes me think going for the title is entirely pointless. The people that want to follow me will do so regardless of what the 'leadership' says. They can still do so even without me doing anything at all. But even so, if I could actually unite Pandaemonium, and actually get everyone working towards a common purpose and weed out the more corrupt elements of it, it would be so much stronger and so much better."
Aurora stopped to cough and rub her forehead. This entire situation was a mess, there was no good answer. Limen started to make her way towards her, but the only thing Aurora could do was stare at the food. She had eaten this morning right? Then why was she so hungry now? It didn't matter, she wasn't above accepting food or other gifts from people, especially when she needed it. Aurora leaned back when Limen leaned in and snatched the sandwich and drink out of her hands then pushed her away with a hard kick. She didn't have a good angle, so it was unlikely to break any bones, but it was still pretty forceful.
"You can tell me that I need a unicorn to ride down the streets, but that's not going to make it any more possible to do. I have to work with in reality, with what exists. People like that don't exist. Maybe if people would stop being so dishonest and two faced I wouldn't have this problem.
"I don't know is the answer I have right now, and, for this moment, I'm fine with it. I'm not going to be able to know until I decide the course of action I want to take because I will need absolute resolve to do something that seems that petty. I don't have it yet, therefore I can't give you an answer yet. Deal with it."
With that, she practically shoved the sandwich down her throat with how quickly she was eating it.
"Anyone could do it at this point. Mosh Man, or any of the previous Pandaemonium 'leadership', hasn't exactly set a high bar. People are stronger than they think too, so if someone else tried they would learn," Aurora sighed. "But I suppose that's beside the point. I'm still not sure how to feel about any of this."
The anger hadn't subsided, but there was little sign of it in her voice beyond the distaste she had for the whole situation. It was becoming increasingly difficult to express it because of her fatigue. Now that she wasn't in the thick of things, constantly distracted and looking for new things to do, the fatigue was starting to catch up to her. She blinked slowly a few times as she continued to steady herself so she wouldn't sway while sitting. She couldn't stay out here too much longer. There was too much to do and she couldn't afford to stop yet. Once again, she was regretting coming out here in the first place.
"Then your attempts to help are completely useless because you didn't hit a single note I care about. Right now, there are so many things wrong with the world, so from a strictly pragmatic view this is an excellent opportunity. But thinking from a strictly pragmatic view is a terrible idea because that's how people think it's okay to do the very things that make the world so wrong in the first place. I would be taking advantage of peoples' respect for me, and their own personal weakness and lack of direction, in order not to just push my own agenda, but to get them to actively participate in doing so as well. I doubt most of them even know what I'm trying to do. It's idol worship and nothing else. If I had known this was going to happen I would have picked different tactics to get here.
"The closest thing to something actually relevant you said was having to care about other peoples' opinions. I obviously don't care about pissing people off, I do it quite often. I've never cared about peoples' opinions of me, and I have long accepted that in trying to improve the world and trying to improve people, they will all hate me. I have little doubt that once the people in Pandaemonium learn more about me that they will turn on me. But I've always been okay with this because peoples' opinions never changed what was right. Now suddenly I'm going to have to deal with people who have no idea what they're doing, and I'm going to have to care. I'm going to have to carefully explain everything and justify my own actions constantly. But most importantly, they're going to want me to do things I wouldn't normally do. They're going to want me to compromise who I am, and to an extent I'm going to have to sit there and take it. There will be that constant pressure, as well as the reminder of what I had to do to get this making me afraid to lose it.
"I've never considered killing off the table, just a bad option where there are normally better ones. I normally even avoid injuring people if it can be helped. I've never spoken to Mosh Man before, never tried to fix that was wrong, and my first push would be outright killing him. It makes me sick to my stomach. Don't you get it yet? I'm not worried about being inconvenienced or even killed, I'm worried about doing something that will make me lose myself. What's the point of doing anything if I just replace what I'm trying to tear down and fix?
"But at the same time, I can't just ignore what's happening. I'm probably not going to live a long life, so I need to move. I've been taking things too slow already to avoid causing any more damage than I need to, but now everything's stagnated and I'm no closer to accomplishing my goals than I was a month ago. I still don't know what my final vision is, supers still have nowhere to go, they're still hiding, the city's a mess and only getting worse, and I'm just sitting here fretting about stupid little things like this? It's absurd. This needs to happen, supers need a place to be able to go, or they'll be stuck denying who they are for their entire lives.
"Which means that whether I like it or not, and whether those people are even aware of it or not, there are people counting on me. It's even more obvious now, even if they have no idea what I'm doing. I can't just ignore that I have a degree of responsibility for these people, especially the ones that are trying to help me, or even worse, trying to be me. I've already started giving them a place where they can at least start to be.
"But no matter how much I think about everything, the nature of Pandaemonium just makes me think going for the title is entirely pointless. The people that want to follow me will do so regardless of what the 'leadership' says. They can still do so even without me doing anything at all. But even so, if I could actually unite Pandaemonium, and actually get everyone working towards a common purpose and weed out the more corrupt elements of it, it would be so much stronger and so much better."
Aurora stopped to cough and rub her forehead. This entire situation was a mess, there was no good answer. Limen started to make her way towards her, but the only thing Aurora could do was stare at the food. She had eaten this morning right? Then why was she so hungry now? It didn't matter, she wasn't above accepting food or other gifts from people, especially when she needed it. Aurora leaned back when Limen leaned in and snatched the sandwich and drink out of her hands then pushed her away with a hard kick. She didn't have a good angle, so it was unlikely to break any bones, but it was still pretty forceful.
"You can tell me that I need a unicorn to ride down the streets, but that's not going to make it any more possible to do. I have to work with in reality, with what exists. People like that don't exist. Maybe if people would stop being so dishonest and two faced I wouldn't have this problem.
"I don't know is the answer I have right now, and, for this moment, I'm fine with it. I'm not going to be able to know until I decide the course of action I want to take because I will need absolute resolve to do something that seems that petty. I don't have it yet, therefore I can't give you an answer yet. Deal with it."
With that, she practically shoved the sandwich down her throat with how quickly she was eating it.
