Pandaemonium
Posts 278
Power Level 25
|
Post by Limen on Jul 12, 2016 23:28:42 GMT -7
It was getting to be that time of year again. It was either ironic or in good timing that the dragon attack had happened so few days before. Perhaps both. Despite the recent tragedy and what can only be described as a stressful past couple of days, Limen had awoken that morning in a very good mood. Her daily bow practice was completed before the moon had set on the horizon, and the last couple of errands that needed to be taken care of that day were done before the sun had risen. She left a note by her stuff in the dojo for anyone who might be curious as to her whereabouts simply reading “Gone, be back tomorrow probably. Bribes in the form of chocolate bars under this message for anyone who might be upset by this”. This wasn’t the first time she’d be gone for longer than twenty four hours. Limen found Aurora early in the morning. The Pandaemonium member she hardly knew personally would be the only one to know where she, and as she soon requested, they, were going today. She’d presented her idea simply as “honoring the dead in a quiet place in the mountains, promise I’m not going to sacrifice you to appease a god or anything” and had been entirely willing to bug Aurora into coming with her until she finally gave in. Limen was determined to get her to come. As soon as the previous week, she had planned to make this little trip alone, but ever since the dragon’s attack, just a little something had told her that the deaths caused by the battle were bothering her. She probably needed this as much as Limen did. So Limen had dragged Aurora to a remote trailhead in the Evergreen Hallows and then dragged her up a mountain, splitting off from the “main” dirt trail down a barely visible side path about two miles in. If Limen’s internal GPS was correct, it had been about a five mile hike, during which Limen whistled various classical tunes and trudged happily along, her paper bag swinging at her side, walking like she knew exactly where she was headed despite the trail melding more into bare forest than path, before she finally came to a stop. The thick forest parted into a clearing, large enough that the soft breeze made waves on the tall wild grass, interlaced with wild flowers blooming for the summer. At the far end was a small stony lake, formed by the ice melt of the mountain peak just beyond it. The water was clear enough to see to the bottom. A single bitter cherry tree in full bloom stood offset center. The glade was mostly untouched by people or other life, save for the remains of a few deer nests made in the spring and small hints of a campfire not far from the tree. A few large boulders were scattered about the grass as remains of the glacier that had carved the concave side in the mountain’s face. This is where Limen had spent her first week when she had come to Emerald City. Upon entering the clearing, Limen had left Aurora to her own devices, humming a tune that floated between major and minor keys and trotting over to the lake. She deposited her paper bag and her shoes and sweatshirt by a boulder between the tree and the water’s edge. She spent the next twenty minutes wading into the lake in her shorts and sleeveless shirt, retrieving round and colorful rocks of varying sizes from the pool’s bottom and carrying them back to the larger boulder. She had a sizable pile of rocks set on the short grass around the boulder when she called Aurora to come join her. Limen took five fairly large rocks that had taken her fancy into her arms and came to sit cross-legged atop the boulder. She set the stones in her lap. The largest one, about as wide as her head, she lifted first. She placed its flat side on the smooth top of the boulder. With a steady hand, she took the next largest stone and balanced it atop the one she’d set down before. “So, was this the first time you’ve seen a super die?” Her gaze was on the third rock in her hands, which she was trying to set atop the other two without making the previous fall. Aurora Disicio
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 381
Power Level 31
|
Post by Aurora Disicio on Jul 13, 2016 19:34:55 GMT -7
Aurora hadn't slept since the dragon attacked, and was barely eating. There was just no time for it, she was so busy she barely even noticed. The slums, and parts of the docks, were in ruins after the dragon attacked. While there were reconstruction efforts going throughout the city, no one was ever going to care about a place like the slums. It was already run down, the only people that lived there were the people that society forgot about and criminals, and the fact that they'd have to be heading into Pandaemonium's territory scared some people off. Aurora took it upon herself to fix the area, to do more than just fix it, to make it better than it ever was. She had limited experience with city planning and didn't know anyone that knew anything about it either, so a great deal of time was spent pouring over books and the internet to quickly figure out what to do. More was spent gathering resources, organizing people, and destroying anyone that was trying to take advantage of this tragedy. She barely had any time to think, let alone eat or sleep.
When Limen wanted to drag her away from all this, Aurora just yelled at her and tried to recruit her into doing something more useful. Hiding out in the mountains under the guise of prayer or respect or whatever Limen wanted to call it hardly sounded useful. There was little point in focusing on the dead, they were already dead. The only people that mattered were the living. Even many traditions acknowledged that. Limen just wouldn't leave her alone though, and while the constant pestering didn't bother her or slow her down any, it did make her realize that she was forgetting some of the other more human costs of this event. Limen was living as well, and if she was so desperate that she would spend an hour following her around, then all of this must have been affecting her more than she was letting on. Sighing, she left a good amount of materials behind and made sure to give everyone tasks that would take a long time to complete before agreeing to head up into the mountains with Limen.
Aurora hated the outdoors. Nature got along with her about as well as a punch to the gut. She had no appreciation for it, she hated animals, a lot of the trees in the forest were even worse than animals because they were full of annoying bugs, and the whole place just had a particular scent she found unpleasant. She was already irritable from not sleeping for so long, but this hike was seriously trying her patience. It took all her self control to not slap Limen upside the head to get her to stop whistling. Her self control wasn't good enough to stop her from glaring at her the whole way up though. Despite her hatred for the outdoors, Aurora had no trouble keeping up. She was in excellent shape, and so high on anger and adrenaline that she still wasn't feeling the physical effects of her skipping out on sleeping entirely. About two thirds of the way there her stomach started growling, but she was able to ignore that too.
Aurora had about as much appreciation for the clearing as she did for the rest of the trip. It was grass and rocks and boring, and she couldn't shake the feeling that she should be back in town rebuilding rather than spending time here. She just found a nice rock to lean on, tapping her fingers against it as she tried to figure out what to do next, or how the next block should end up looking, or how to take care of that rat nest she disturbed when she took down one of the destroyed buildings or--Her mind continued wandering until Limen finally got her attention. She had no idea what the girl was doing with those rocks, or why she even bothered to gather them. She was going to ask, but Limen beat her to the punch with a question of her own. Aurora frowned and folded her arms.
"More accurately, it's the first time I've seen anyone die. It's not a common thing to see in modern society anymore. The dying are kept neatly out of the way now," she sighed. "It wasn't an unexpected outcome, but that doesn't make it any less unpleasant."
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 278
Power Level 25
|
Post by Limen on Jul 16, 2016 15:42:13 GMT -7
Limen halted her efforts to stack the rock and looked up at Aurora. “Your very first?” She asked, unable to keep all of the surprise out of her voice. She had been equally expecting Aurora to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, but she hadn’t even seen an unpowered die before? That was unexpected. Her initial response to Aurora’s claim that death was rarely seen was to disagree; while death was indeed unusual, it didn’t seem the kind of thing that could go unseen or be simply ignored. It snuck up on you and the people around you without warning, and struck so fast there wasn’t time to look away. Then Limen remembered that she was not part of what one would call ‘standard modern society’. The kinds of people she tended to hang around probably also had an influence.
“Guess you only need to build one, then.” With a light smile, she carefully positioned the third rock atop the first two, keeping her hands under its rounded surface and slowly moving it left and right until it no longer threatened to fall. When she removed her hands, the orange stone, still brightly colored by the water, remained poised atop the blue one below it despite being set together on a rounded surface no larger than a quarter.
She figured she should probably explain the pile of rocks and the random stacking of the pile of rocks. “Have you ever meditated before?” She asked, her eyes drifting slowly from the rocks to Aurora. “There’s a lot of ways to do it. Lots more than just sitting cross-legged with your eyes closed for long periods of time, though that’s pretty nice too. Can’t beat the classics.” She was digressing. Motioned to her little pile of three, she said, “This here is what I’ve accurately and officially titled ‘death meditation with rocks’. I’m building this stack for someone I’ve seen die. After I’m done, I’ll build one for each of the other people or groups of people I’ve seen pass since the last time I did this, last year, I think? I’d make one for the super who died in the dragon attack, but,” she shot a wink at Aurora, “that’s your job.”
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 381
Power Level 31
|
Post by Aurora Disicio on Jul 16, 2016 20:39:44 GMT -7
"You sound surprised," Aurora grumbled, clearly insulted. "I don't exactly go looking for it, and I go out of my way to make sure no one is even seriously injured by my power, let alone killed. And if you needed a bunch of rocks, I could have grabbed you several in under a minute. There was no need to waste as much time as you did gathering them yourself."
Aurora watched as Limen continued to play with the rocks, the scowl not leaving her face. It did soften a little bit at the explanation, but not much. She let her eyes fall in order to count the number of rocks Limen collected. She wasn't sure if Limen was counting the number of rocks she collected, but she was willing to bet that Limen had at least some idea of roughly how many she needed. Looking at the sheer number of them was sobering. She didn't know much about Limen, partly because of how new she was and partly because they hadn't interacted that much and Pandaemonium was big, but this said more than any amount of words ever could. Her tone soften again, though there were still obvious signs of irritation that she just couldn't get rid of. Staying up here, away from where she needed to be, made her irritable.
"What I do when I wake up and go to bed qualifies, and I'll meditate some when I need to come to a difficult decision. But I don't see any point in doing it for the dead. They're dead, nothing we do for them will accomplish anything. I prefer to focus on doing things that are actually useful, so I focus on the living. You can do what you need to do for yourself, but I don't intend to stay here any longer than necessary, or waste my energy."
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 278
Power Level 25
|
Post by Limen on Jul 22, 2016 20:36:38 GMT -7
“I am surprised.” Limen admitted. “Not about your powers - I’ve heard rumors you’ve got a no-kill policy better than Batman’s. Just surprised you’ve never seen anyone killed by another super’s power or some freak ice cream truck incident, especially given your presence at the horde.” Death wasn’t necessarily commonplace at the horde either; mostly just for pride or fun fighting that doesn’t get beyond a couple of broken bones, but death did seem to happen there at a higher rate than most places. She knew Pandaemonium supers who killed there without hesitation. Hell, she was boarding with two.
“Glad to hear you’ve meditated before; that makes this way easier. But, then, you should also know this isn’t about efficiency.” She chuckled. “Plus I don’t trust just anyone to pick out the rocks. They’ve got to be properly color-coordinated!” She motioned to the pile of jumbled colors of no discernible pattern.
Limen lifted the two smallest stones from her lap, each just larger than her fist. She took one in each hand. Diligently, she set them down atop the previous stone, putting pressure on their tops so that if one was not balanced it wouldn’t knock over the entire pile. Her adjustments in finding their point of equilibrium were fine and deliberate.
“You’re right, there isn’t much we can do for the dead. Unless you believe in spirits or think there’s zombies in these mountains, it’s not like they’re even going to know we’re doing this. And I did promise I wasn’t going to do any resurrection rituals today.” The two stones came to ballance on either side of the one below them, and Limen removed her hands. Her eyes left the pile, raising to find Aurora’s “That’s why it’s not for them. It’s for us. So come on, join me. You’ve already come all this way.”
Her light smile twisted up into a sly grin, like a businessman who’d reeled in the customer knew they were going to sell their product, and she threw her arms out beside her in a wide gesture. With two evil laughs, she brought one hand into her lap, setting it atop the final rock, and, moving her other beside her face, pointed to the sky.
“Hearing it’s your first, I’m especially glad I decided to drag you up here with me.” She didn’t hesitate to say she’d forced Aurora into this. That’s exactly what she’d done and she was well aware, even before Aurora had basically outright said it, that she’d prefer to be elsewhere. She cared about this fact as much as she hesitated. “Death is something you’re going to need to be able to deal with, especially if you’re going to be our leader. And let me tell you,” she grinned, raising the last stone in her lap out towards Aurora, “it’s way easier to be given some tactics than to have to figure them out on your own.”
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 381
Power Level 31
|
Post by Aurora Disicio on Jul 23, 2016 12:04:35 GMT -7
"Like I said, they're normally kept out of the way. How many times have you seen freak ice cream truck accidents or someone actually die in the horde?"
Aurora kept her arms folded and leaned against a nearby large rock. She hated the way Limen was talking to her about this. It was like she was some adorably naive child just because she hadn't actually seen something that was relatively uncommon in the grand scheme of things. Sure, there were people dying every second, but the world was big and there were a lot of people. The odds of actually seeing those random accidents were fairly small. Even with the dragon, the amount of people that actually died was undoubtedly large, but she only saw one of them. The fact that Limen saw it so frequently said more about her, than Aurora rarely seeing it at all said about her as far as she was concerned.
"No, it's for you. I've already told you, I'm fine. I'm not going to suddenly run away or not show up when the next dragon shows up, I'm not holed up in my room sobbing uncontrollably, I'm not an emotional wreck. I've probably gotten more done in the last few days than I have in the past six months, and this is interrupting that don't forget. I'm used to dealing with bad situations and terrible things happening. This is hardly any different."
Aurora ended her small speech with a huff. When the stone was offered to her, she just kept her arms folded and continued looking at Limen with a disgruntled glare. Were it not for the expression and laugh she might have rolled her eyes and gone along with it, but that with Limen's attitude so far was enough to make her feel particularly stubborn.
"Furthermore, I'm hardly the leader of Pandaemonium, no matter what the idiots that follow me around like a lost puppy seem to think."
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 278
Power Level 25
|
Post by Limen on Jul 25, 2016 1:14:40 GMT -7
Limen wasn’t quite sure if Aurora’s question was rhetorical or not. “Ice cream truck accident, once, but it was on television so I’m not sure it counts. I’ve lived at the horde though, so I’ve been to some of its… darker sides. In the docks it’s been,” she looked up at the sky and began counting on her fingers, “three?” She paused to double check her numbers. “Yeah, three. Once was when police raided a drug den I’d been resting the night at specifically to avoid the police. Then there was a homeless fellow who’d been thrown into the water. I tried to swim out and help him, but he’d already been struggling for long enough that by the time I got there, there wasn’t much I could do. The last was one time I tagged along with Gil.” Her tone was matter-of-fact; she could’ve been naming off a grocery list.
It gave her pause. This was how she always talked about death or tragedy, or anything, really. It felt like she was just going down the list. Day to day, that was how things needed to be. It was how she didn’t let it get to her. Presently, though, that wasn’t the point. Limen was going to force herself to care a bit.
“Come on, Aurora, you don’t need me to tell you that pain surfaces in a ton of different ways. If you’re only looking at the people who’ll run upon facing pain again or those who wallow in it, you’re only seeing maybe ten or twenty percent of how it manifests. This isn’t exactly something you want to miss or ignore. Maybe you don’t have problems now,” though as her suspicious eyeing of the woman suggested, Limen had her doubts, “but if you let it build, you’re going to have issues down the road. Better to take care of it while it’s small and cute than wait until you are bawling uncontrollably.”
Her offer declined, Limen placed the last stone carefully atop the stack. She’d set them well enough and the final stone was flat enough that she only needed a few tries to get it to stay. “It is for me.” She said, surveying her creation thus far. Only her eyes raised to Aurora. “But it doesn’t have to be just for me. Just humor me a bit, alright?”
With a grunt, she slid off the boulder and paced over to the pile. Bending at the back and not the knees, she began gathering some of the smaller stones.
“No, you’re not currently leader of Pandaemonium, but you must’ve seen the signs. People look up to you, Aurora. They see you as someone who knows what she’s doing while the rest of us are blowing up buildings because we didn’t like their choice of brick. A lot of us seem to punch whoever takes our fancy, or whoever’s closest in proximity at time of punching itch, but you’ve got actual targets. Goals. You get stuff done, and stuff that actually matters. There’s a reason people come and ask for your advice on stuff, or inform you about the work they’ve done. They see you as someone they can rely on.” Still leaning over, she closed one of her eyes and shot a smile at her. “They see you as a leader.”
Another small armful of stones in tow, Limen considered herself content and hopped back up onto the large rock. The smaller rocks were simpler to place, and so her stack grew.
“I don’t know you very well, but I don’t know our supposed leader man Mosh Man either and I’ll tell you what, I’d follow you any day over that wannabe king. Because, unlike that asscave, you weren’t off looting at the other end of town. You were at the battlefield, fighting alongside us. And what have you been doing for the past number of days? Leading the effort to rebuild the docks. Where has Mosh Man been? The hell knows. You’re the one putting us all back together, organizing us so we actually do get ourselves put back together. The slums would still be a steaming pile of ‘Cetus has been here’ if not for you.
“What confounds me is why the person dicking off is our ‘leader’ and the person actually leading us doesn’t claim her real title.”
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 381
Power Level 31
|
Post by Aurora Disicio on Jul 25, 2016 23:39:40 GMT -7
Aurora could only stare as Limen rattled off her list of dead people. How casually she went about it was enough to make her skin crawl. She raised her eyebrows half wondering if Limen was serious or not, but nothing about the way she was talking suggested that she was lying. The situations were entirely plausible too. Aurora knew that one of the reasons she rarely saw anything was because she stuck to the more populated areas where that was just less likely to happen. Plus, she suspected that a lot of people knew what she would do to them if she saw them kill someone in front of her.
"If you're hanging around people like that it's no wonder," Aurora rolled her eyes.
The suspiciousness in Limen's eyes did not go unnoticed, which just made Aurora's mood sour further. She wasn't afraid to ask for help when she needed it, she was honest with her emotions always even if they'd make her appear 'weak,' so why was there any doubt? The very notion that she needed help or direction with something like this was still insulting. She had more than enough control over her emotions, and was no stranger to bad situations. This was hardly any different, and she would handle it like any other. Hell, even though she hadn't seen anyone die, she's nearly died multiple times now. This was hardly worse than any of those times. Her nostrils flared and she started digging her fingers into her arms.
"It wasn't meant to be an exhaustive list. If I tried to make one we'd be here all day, though at the rate you're going that might happen anyway. I shouldn't have even come here," she sounded almost guilty. "I agreed to come here when this was about you, but if you're going to make it about me then I should get back to where I'm needed and do something actually useful. I don't have time to be playing with rocks."
Aurora hopped on top of the rock and started to bring her aurora to her feet, but Limen's next words gave her pause. Her aurora settled at her feet, completely motionless even if it didn't completely look that way due to the constantly shifting colors. Aurora herself stayed on top of the large rock, looking into the forest. Her expression softened, though rather than remaining irritated looking, it shifted towards something more serious and contemplative. Limen wasn't wrong, that much couldn't be denied.
"Pandaemonium doesn't have a leader, it never has. Every few months people fight for the fake title, but it doesn't actually change anything. No one actually cares about what they have to say or what they think everyone should be doing. Pandaemonium isn't an organization, and trying to treat it as such is completely pointless," Aurora sighed. "So trying to claim that title would be strictly for just that, the title. Given what I'd have to do to get it, it hardly seems worth it," she paused. "You claim that you'd follow me, but would you really?" she looked at Limen suspiciously through the side of her eyes. "Or would you just keep doing whatever struck you as a good idea at the moment?
"I'm not even sure if it's a position I want. Normally I would say that it's definitely not a position I want because I hate dealing with people, but..." she paused again, looking like she was caught somewhere between punching something and throwing her hands in the air. "It's so stupid, the entire reason I put on that larger than life persona when I'm 'Aurora Disicio' was because I wanted to influence other people. I just wanted more supers to come out of hiding, regardless of whether they wanted to fight with me or against me, but now that the influence I created around myself has reached it's logical conclusion I don't know what to do with it.
"I was never trying to make something like this happen, I was always simply going about my business. I still don't understand how any of this happened. People have never wanted to be around me before now. The only ones that did were nothing but two-faced liars that wanted me for what I could do for them, but, while there have been some people like that, it hasn't felt like the majority. Even so, what's actually happening almost feels worse. I feel like they're using me as a crutch, as something to fill this empty void in their life because people naturally want direction and success, but they can't get it on their own and it's disturbing. I don't want to replace the very people I'm trying to take down," Aurora rubbed her temples.
"I'm never this bad with words, I swear. This whole situation is bothering me more than the death of a super I didn't even know ever could. That's just one person, this is more than I can even count. Even ignoring what I'd have to do, I'm still not sure if it's even the right thing to do, but at the same time, I don't really want to leave Pandaemonium in its current state when I might actually be able to change it. It's just a huge mess."
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 278
Power Level 25
|
Post by Limen on Jul 27, 2016 1:57:37 GMT -7
About halfway through Aurora’s explanation, about the time she looked like she was going to take down one of the large pine trees with a single swing, Limen’s eyebrows raised as she realized what was happening. Her face relaxed, as did her posture on the rock, leaning back with her arms to support her. She waited patiently for Aurora to finish, letting silence hang for several moments afterwards in case she had anything else to add.
Limen spoke in the same cheery way she always did, but the bit of distance in her voice had been replaced with something more formal. “‘Course I’d keep doing whatever the hell I want. I wouldn’t change that for anyone, and I bet you a lot of Pandaemoniums feel the same. We’re a group that, on a daily basis, does whatever the hell we want. But I doubt you want to be dictating our day to day actions. That would be tedious and terrible for everyone. We don’t need someone to boss us around and tell us what building to blow up what day always.” She paused, setting herself up a little bit higher with one of her arms.
“That’s probably for the best, honestly, for that to be our status quo. But while it's obvious we’re a force to be reckoned with, we’re an unfocused force. ‘Mess’ sums it up pretty well. If we want to be the ones to take on some of the larger problems we’ve got, or, you know, not die when a bigger tougher sky shark appears, having some kind of backbone’s going to be necessary. We’re not a particularly stable faction either. It’d be in the best interest of all our health insurers and in the integrity of the faction as a whole if we had something better to do with our need to express our explosive tendencies than play king of the hill. What we need is someone to say ‘time to get moving, guys, and here’s what we’re going to do’ when the shit hits the fan or when we need to stop said shitty collision, or give us something to fight for so we have more doing and less punching each other in the face.
“I don’t know what you want out of being a leader, Aurora, but I know what I want out of the person I follow: someone to unite us when we really need it. I don’t want a crutch. I can take care of myself just fine and so can the rest of the faction. If we wanted some kind of strong leadership or guiding force, we would’ve joined the Bulwarks or Keepers.”
Limen had finished her first little stack before Aurora had even begun, but she didn’t move to take up more stones and continue her job. That could wait.
“Have you ever noticed you’re kinda different from a lot of the faction?” Limen raised her eyebrow at the other Pandaemonium. “You’re a pretty humorless person. You don’t seem to be in this for the fun or thrill of it. Hell, I had to convince you to join the capture the flag game with a fake letter while everyone else I just had to bring up the idea and they were in. I think this is at least part of why people are coming to you for advice.” She said, choosing her word carefully. “You take important matters seriously. You know what you’re doing and your plans work. I’ll tell you what, ‘Aurora Disicio’ is damn good at what she does. You’re strong, both in power and spirit. If your, uh, vehement speeches are anything to go by, you actually care about the rest of us supers, not just yourself. You’re not like Mosh Man or the people who came before him.”
Her smile widened to teeth. “Revolutions like to hum a similar tune, but this one’s going to be different. Because you’re different.”
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 381
Power Level 31
|
Post by Aurora Disicio on Jul 29, 2016 20:06:56 GMT -7
"That's not what I meant and you know it," Aurora folded her arms and gave Limen a sidelong stare. "In order to be an actual organization there need to be rules and people to enforce those rules. It doesn't matter if the people in the organization disagree with them, if they're broken then something must be done about that. Pandaemonium doesn't exactly like rules. In order to be an organization, we have to work together, even when it's not convenient and people may not want to. People have to be able to not only put aside personal grudges, but their own short term goals and desires. It's not about telling people which building to blow up, it's about telling them which ones they can't blow up. Though, I'd still have to tell people which ones to blow up to an extent. You can't say I can't micromanage people in one breath and then tell me to turn them into a more focused force in the next. How do you expect that to be done without rules and without orders? Even if I only saved it for the important things, I'm quite certain that my definition of important and most peoples' definition of important are very different. There are a lot of important things to do right now, and I highly doubt I'd run out of important things to do before I even died of old age if by some miracle I lived that long."
Aurora sighed and returned her gaze back to the forest. There was nothing special about it, nor was she looking at anything in particular, it was just what happened to be directly in front of her right now. All of this was something she spent a good deal of time thinking about, especially recently once Giza made it seem like more of a realistic possibility. Despite how the question was phrased, it was a genuine question. It was possible that running Pandaemonium more loosely was an option, it just seemed counter productive and like little would change in the grand scheme of things without at least a little bit more structure.
"I wasn't referring to Pandaemonium leadership; as far as I'm concerned Pandaemonium has never had any form of leadership," her voice was softer this time, no hint of irritation since it was her fault for being unclear this time. "How should I say this...I'm not worried about being like Mosh Man. That will never happen and I doubt I have to elaborate. I'm not talking about any specific individual, but rather human nature itself. I will have to kill someone in order to take his place. That price will be in the back of my mind with everything I do. Suddenly, my own self-preservation becomes a much higher priority; not just my continued survival, but my position as well. As Pandaemonium grows, I will become more and more disconnected from each person. I already can't keep up with all of them. Through no fault of my own, my brain will cease to recognize them as individuals and will start to see them as more expendable. I could go on, but I think you get the idea. I wasn't stopping at Pandaemonium in my mind, I was going much further than that. Making the city mine has always been one of my goals, I just didn't expect to be able to use this sort of method to make it happen. The people I was worried about replacing were not those in Pandaemonium, but those running the city itself.
"It feels weird to use the word 'want' for any of this because I'm still not convinced I 'want' any of it. I was more suddenly pushed into it against my will and I'm still not quite sure how it happened," Aurora scratched her head. "On some level I know I'm okay with it or I would have shut it down harder than I did, but it's still disturbing. I'm very limited in what I can accomplish on my own, so I suppose what I'd 'want' most would be to have a greater means to accomplish my own goals, which I'm not sure makes any of this better. I also know that part of my worry about everyone turning into helpless babies around me is because of my own nature too. I can't stand seeing things be wrong, I mean I can't even leave my toothbrush on the wrong side of the sink, it drives me insane. Right now, it's easy to ignore them as the ingrates they are, but once they were my responsibility, it would become...much more difficult to ignore," she stared off into space again, her expression looking somewhere between exasperation and a deer in headlights. "I'm quite certain I would want to fix everyone's problems, but I shouldn't do that. Dealing with people is very unpleasant. Having to care about what they think is even worse. Suddenly making all of their problems your own? Even worse. But I can't help it, and it drives me completely insane. It already happens to a degree. I try to make people understand the faults in their logic, or try to get them to better understand themselves and the world around them. I fully expect them to disappoint me, pretty much everyone does, but they're not my responsibility. I know no one is, but it's different. I don't know why.
"That last part will probably happen regardless at this rate," Aurora sighed. "Everyone's acting like I should just go along with this because obviously as though being an actual leader and just doing what you want and not letting anyone stop you are the same thing. It's irritating. Half the people in Pandaemonium fit that description, but for some reason everyone's started latching onto me. It's really uncomfortable. Even so, I can't shake the feeling that this is the best shot I have at turning this group of people into something, and maybe even being able to accomplish what I want before I fight one dragon too many.
"And...excuse me? What was that about a fake letter?" she turned her head to face Limen once more with her arms folded and an eyebrow raised.
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 278
Power Level 25
|
Post by Limen on Jul 30, 2016 21:58:27 GMT -7
Limen grinned at the mention of her letter, but she didn’t say anything more on it. She could get to that in a second. For now it would rest in the ‘could kindly bring it up later’ pile.
“Aurora, I’m biased. I want you to be our leader because Mosh Man sucks and you don’t. If you said you were ready to be our leader, I would go down the mountain with you right now to rally our friends and usurp his throne, but it’s not fair for me to sit here and tell you all the sugar about leading a would-be grand force of Pandaemonium to rule the city as you please. I’ll be blunt. This might work, it might blow up in all of our faces. It might blow up extraordinarily in your face and the rest of us will carry on as though nothing had happened. Even though I think it’s a good idea, I can’t tell you how happy I am you’ve got your spectacles on rather than taking it at face value and calling for a gung-ho overthrow.”
As such, she didn’t really want to turn this into an argument. Trying to push her view onto Aurora wasn’t going to get anyone anywhere but mad. She would feel bad if, a month from now, this did all go to hell because Aurora had been shoved into a poor decision. She kinda doubted Aurora was the type to be easily pressured into something she didn’t want to do, but there was a difference between pressure and not giving someone all of the information.
“So I’m going to try to give you as unbiased of a view of what I see as likely to happen as I can. If the cons aren’t worth the pros, then you shouldn’t do it, simple as that. I’ll just ignore Mosh Man for the next couple of months until he gets overthrown by someone else.” She chuckled. She’d been doing that fine since she arrived in Emerald City, she could keep doing so for a while more.
“First off, frankly, being a leader is probably going to really suck. People are going to be gunning for your head. It’s not an ‘if’ but a ‘when’ of when someone makes the same attempt on you as every past leader of Pandaemonium; it’s just the nature of the group. Good news is, you’ve got a number of people who already think your head is worth keeping in charge who’ll defend you if that happens. Bad news is if you upset too many of those people once you take charge, you’ve got the ides of march to worry about. You will have to care about what other people think not just to be a good leader but because people, Pandaemonium people especially, will come to disagree with you violently.
“Of course, you won’t be able to keep everyone happy, either. You’ll have to pick and choose who you’re going to listen to because they know what they’re talking about or who’re too dangerous to ignore, who isn’t too dangerous to ignore or who listening to will cause more harm than they could ever cause, and when to throw all that aside for your own goals. But see, you’ll have the power to pursue your goals with the force to achieve them. Probably. Assuming you are actually a good leader and don’t drive this train flaming and exploding off of a cliff. Like you said, there’s only so much a single person can do solo, so if you really want to achieve some large-scale goals, maybe it is time to upgrade.
“But, you know, micromanaging a force and leading one are two very different things. They can be done at the same time, or done in tandem to accomplish the other of the two, but they are not in and of themselves the same. If you’re afraid you’re going to have to micromanage everyone, I think that’s going to be a fairly unfounded fear. In the context of everyone else, at least. I mean, you’ll have to search and replace for the ones that aren’t pulling their weight or are doing their own thing counter to what you want, but it’s not going to be you alone organizing the entire writhing mass that is Pandaemonium and the bureaucratic nightmare’s nightmare that is the city. Not if you don’t want it to be. If you want, you play commanding officer over lower commanding officers. You pick someone you trust to be a city council chair, and then you trust them to be an effective city council chair. You give them direction as needed, take updates from them to stay informed, and let them take care of the rest.”
Limen shrugged. “But I’m not here to tell you how you should lead or what leading should mean to you. I’m sure you’ll surpas your quota for that plenty without my help and we’ve both got better things we could be doing with our time. My question to you, then, is, is it really worth it? People will want you dead. If you’re a target now, this is going to give the smallest Pandaemonium goonie dreams that if they can just murder you in your sleep, they’ll be able to take all your power for their own. People will want to drop all their problems on your foot and blame you when they don’t go perfectly. If you do something wrong, it’s going to have ripples, not just for you but for everyone around you. But,” she pulled herself up to a straight sit and slid off the rock with a grunt, “if you do it, you get all of the power of Pandaemonium. If you get the city, all of that as well. You won’t be just one person anymore.”
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 381
Power Level 31
|
Post by Aurora Disicio on Jul 31, 2016 20:32:23 GMT -7
Aurora listened to what Limen had to say, waiting for an explanation about that fake note more than anything. Every moment she didn't talk about it, Aurora felt her anger flare up further. By the end, she balled her hands into fists. The explanation never came, but the remark was specific enough that it was obvious what happened. She was manipulated into attacking someone under false pretenses. Even if it was likely the target deserved it for other reasons, that hardly justified something like this. The real question was why. Limen was willing to do something like this over something as stupid as a game? The very idea left a burning sensation in the pit of her stomach. She was feeling fairly calm during most of this conversation, but her anger was back in full force, and that reflected in the volume of her voice.
"It's not exactly hard to be better than the current leadership, if you can even call it that. The fact that you're willing to put me in that spot tells me nothing at this point. It just makes me wonder why you and all the rest of the people bitching about Mosh Man are trying to push me into it instead of taking care if it yourself," she narrowed her eyes. "But none of this means a damn thing if I can't even get past the first step. I not only have to have to be prepared to kill Mosh Man, but I have to make sure I can do it without an ounce of hesitation when the time comes. If I'm not prepared then he could easily send my head in one direction and my shoulders in the other and I could end up being the dead one instead," she paused for a moment, "and that's hardly a guarantee.
"You're hardly telling me anything new. That's exactly why I had no interest in any of this even though people keep acting like I do and like I already have. Barely any of those points even matter in the grand scheme of things. Except for perhaps the one where I'd be working my ass off and having to care about what all of you assholes think even though I hate every goddamn one of you. The real question is if I'd be able to live with myself if I passed up an opportunity like this, or if I'd be able to live with myself if I killed someone for the sake of my own ambitions. As usual, I'm fucked no matter what I do!
"You're wrong about one thing though. If I do go through with this I'd have to manage it all myself. There's no one I trust enough to delegate anything to," she looked Limen dead in the eye. "People like you constantly remind me why I can't trust anyone but myself."
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 278
Power Level 25
|
Post by Limen on Aug 3, 2016 15:18:58 GMT -7
Limen’s brow twitched inward, becoming questioning for just a moment with Aurora’s last statement. Her wide smile returned as she turned to fully face the Pandaemonium, arms crossed in front of her chest. A chuckle came with darkness in her voice. Limen stared back into Aurora’s eyes.
“You’re going to fail.”
Aurora was serious; entirely serious, which made what she was saying all the more concerning. It was one thing if she hadn’t put thought into this, but a whole other if this was the conclusion she’d drawn after a good bit of thought. Dangerous, that’s what it was. Limen shifted her weight to one leg. Her smile had relaxed, but she kept her eyes locked on Aurora’s.
“You cannot manage this on your own. You can’t afford not to trust people. I don’t care who it is, Death Skittles, but if you’re going to run this faction and city in any greater amount of organization than Mosh Man, you’ve got to find at least one person you can wholeheartedly trust to do their job for you. Preferably several.
“Aurora, I’m never going to tell you to go kill someone. That is not something you can force onto people. Don’t let anybody try to trick you into this decision by not telling you the whole story or painting it as niceties, including yourself. If you can’t do it, don’t do it.”
Limen sighed and let her head drop. When she flicked it back up, her expression had softened.
“Maybe you can’t trust me, but trusted or not, I’ve got your back. I don’t want to see you fail. I don’t want to see you moshed or caesared. So I’m going to ask you a really important question that you’re going to have to know the answer to before you can even think of stepping onto the battlefield with Mosh Man. Are you going to be able to kill him?”
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 381
Power Level 31
|
Post by Aurora Disicio on Aug 4, 2016 21:24:47 GMT -7
"I can't use something that doesn't exist, no matter how much easier it would make my life. I have to make do with what I have. It's not like I never work with people, I can count the number of times I've done a job solo on one hand and it's even lower if you don't include the times I ended up working with people who happened to be there, but giving people some amount of authority? Not going to happen. There isn't a damn person on this planet I'd trust with something like that. I don't even completely trust myself with something like that. And don't call me that!"
Aurora practically spat the last sentence. The last thing she needed was more stupid nicknames, especially right now. Once again, she was becoming increasingly convinced that there wasn't much reason to stay here when it was slowing down her efforts to rebuild the city. She should be there. She wasn't against talk about what to do with Pandaemonium, but it was clear that she and Limen simply cared about vastly different things, and while Aurora could at least recognize she was at least trying to help, most of the things she was talking about just weren't that important in the grand scheme of things. It wasn't that surprising, if the two of them cared about the same things Limen wouldn't be attempting go convince her to become Pandaemonium's new leader.
She took a step forward only for a sudden weakness in her legs, no all of her body, to make her come to a stop before she reached the edge of the rock. Her stomach started growling again, which was equally as irritating. When was the last time she ate? She could have sworn she had a bagel this morning, but that should have been enough to hold her over until the evening. Her body should not be protesting this much. Sighing, Aurora decided to sit on the rock for the time being, at least long enough to muster up the energy to get back to town.
"Are you listening to a damn word I'm saying? I already said that I don't know! Killing has never been off the table, but it's not an option I take lightly because once you use it, that's it. Even if Mosh Man has no redeeming qualities, it's not the option I like to use first when dealing with my problems with people," Aurora folded her arms, and her voice got much quieter than usual. "But it's always a lot easier to talk about than it is to actually do. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a complete psychopath. That's the difference in how we're thinking about this. I don't care whether or not this position makes me happy, I only care about what I can accomplish with it. I don't care about putting myself in danger in the sense you're describing it, I only care about compromising myself, the very essence of who I am. So much of this goes against everything I believe in, and parts of it even when I'm trying to do. Not doing it also does in a lot of ways. Normally more options are good, but I resent having this one. Especially since the only reason I have it is because of other people pushing me in that direction, and especially because I doubt most, if any, of them would be willing to do it themselves."
|
|
Pandaemonium
Posts 278
Power Level 25
|
Post by Limen on Aug 5, 2016 0:48:40 GMT -7
Limen watched Aurora vie to be less vertical with the look one gave a nature documentary, and couldn't help but notice the shake in her legs. Wonder where that exhaustion came from. Limen had dragged her up a mountain, but she hadn’t been going particularly fast, and Aurora struck Limen as the ‘fit enough to break your arm if I wanted to’ type. Probably the metal shoes. Before this, Limen had caught wind Aurora was spending all her time managing the reconstruction of the slums. Rumors of her resting, uneating, unwavering reign from people who lived there who hated how much they were getting bossed around. That would explain the shake and rebel stomach.
“You’re right about that. I think you are being pushed into this because other people don’t want to do it.” Limen hummed. “But I think it’s equal parts people think you actually can do it. Take that as you will.”
Stretching her arms over her head, Limen meandered over to the plastic bag she’d brought with her. “I’m not asking if you think this’ll make you happy. I’m asking if the pros outweigh the cons. Whatever those pros and cons are to you, personally.” She said as she dug through the bag. The plastic crinkled and a couple of metal and glass bottles clinked against each other. Pulling out a single object, she stood, taking the bag with her, and paced towards Aurora.
“Also, I give you a month before you realize you have to trust someone, if this is what you’re like after your week trial period.”
Limen crouched down next to Aurora and held out a wrapped sandwich, purposefully getting just slightly too close. With a sly grin and a slightly hushed voice to match, she said, “Now’s the part where I yell at you so that you make sure to remember this later.” Limen sucked in a deep breath. As promised, when she began again, she did so at the loudest volume she could manage. “Aurora Dicisio! Can you or can you not kill Mosh Man?! There is no ‘I don’t know’! You can’t not know!”
|
|